A Mother's Role
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
As I sit here this afternoon, I am reflecting on the role I have as a Mom. Parenting at my best seems to be served by me being clear about what is mine to do and what is not mine to do. Unconditional love based
Today my daughter asked if she could have a sleepover with one of her friends who is struggling. We already have a full weekend planned. I have a back that is hurt and just in general value and understand that by taking care of myself, I take care of others, too. So I have set an intention to honor this and not give in to every request my daughters have. So I set a boundary defining what I could do and what I could not do.
This situation and many others have helped me define what is mine to do as a Mom:
- To have compassion for myself
- To have compassion for my daughters
- To set clear, kind boundaries based on
self care and what helps my daughters take care of themselves - To be involved enough to know each of their friends and who might be a good influence
- To guide them through various situations in a way that helps them ultimately trust their own capabilities to make decisions
- To be an example of the values we embody in our family
- To create opportunities for them to have a social life…offering to drive, to host events and sleepovers, and to do what they consider fun and enriching
- To be aware of my emotions and heal them so I don’t project them onto my daughters
What is not mine to do:
- To create a bubble of safety so they never get hurt; this is impossible and would not do them any good when they are on their own
- To worry and control them; worry causes me to only see the negative and not the overall picture of all that is happening
- To keep them in a good mood all of the time
- To try to get them to like my boundaries
- To control the results of their actions; consequences unfold-both positive and negative. Their interaction with the world creates a classroom for them to learn things in life.
Each situation helps me learn more about myself. As I make mistakes and try to do what is not mine to do, I see the result of this. I forgive myself and I try to do something different in the future.
For more information or for help/coaching on similar types of issues, contact Liesl at 727-215-2039.